An Assassin and a Vampire

(This log predates the Pits.)

Raleigh Montague says to Daimon: Oh hey.

Raleigh Montague looks surprised. “For a second I thought I was home.”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Naw, I were kind of hoping to run into you or the d’Ackerley guy, though.

Raleigh Montague raises an eyebrow. “Oh? Would that be – er – the Earl or the Viscount?”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Uh.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Actually I ain’t sure. Anthony.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Never asked the bloke his title, I think.

Raleigh Montague says: Ah, that’s the Viscount.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Gotcha.

Daimon begins to roll a chap cigarette. “Turns out I kinda need some advice from one of you posh and deadly types.”

Raleigh Montague takes this in for a second before he realises that he’s a posh and deadly
type. “Professional advice?” His tone is amused.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Yeah, reckon so.

Raleigh Montague gestures to the building behind him. “Shall we go up to my office?”

Daimon asks with an Uberwaldean accent: Sure. It’s cool for me to be in there, right?

Raleigh Montague says to Daimon: Of course.

This is the room assigned to the Black Widow House Master – Raleigh. A desk and chair are situated in front of a golden wall that could be used to display artwork. The other walls are oak panelled and display a roster and a mirror set at a perfect angle for constant admiration of oneself. A large wardrobe sits against one of the oak panelled walls and a peekhole in the centre of the door allows visible access to the hallway.
There is one obvious exit: west.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Ain’t no of course about it, this place oughta be
named Don’t Go Near The Guild.

Daimon looks around, impressed. “Neat pad.”

Raleigh Montague chuckles as he leads you into a well-appointed office, handsome and
restrained at the same time. He gestures to the chair. “Please.”

Raleigh Montague says to Daimon: Thank you.

Daimon makes himself comfortable. Bloody vampires, looking at home anywhere.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: So, I got a bit of a problem. Back in the old country I’d know how as to go about it, but around here you got rules and laws and Watch Commanders as really loathe my kind.

Raleigh Montague pours himself a cup of coffee from the cafetiere near him, and offers you
one as well. “Coffee?”

Raleigh Montague leans back in his chair. “Why don’t you tell me about it?”

Daimon accepts a cup gracefully. “Well… Back home, vampires are a bit like nobs, I reckon.
Competing for land and titles and such.”

Raleigh Montague nods at this. “Quite.”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: And that’s fine as long as it stays back there, but it ain’t. Got somebody come into town as ain’t going to play by Mister Vimes’ rules.

Daimon says to you with an Uberwaldean accent: She’s gonna be a pain in the ass all around, but she’s got it out special for me, my girl, and the d’Ackerley boy.

Raleigh Montague taps long fingers on the desk. “This is – an acquaintance – of yours?”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Enemy, more like.

Raleigh Montague looks thoughtfully at the window. “Hm.”

Daimon lights his cigarette with his thumb, magical spark. “Main difference between me and this chick is, I came here and I am playing by the rules as the city has. She ain’t.”

Raleigh Montague asks: We’ve had requests before to take out the undead, but you know the problem with you lot eh?

Raleigh Montague says: She’s not going to stay down.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Yeah, we don’t fucking stay dead.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: I killed her before.

Raleigh Montague looks sympathetic. “The point I’m making is, we need to handle this
privately, if we do. Now, Anthony is a friend of mine. You are a friend of a friend.
Obviously, we’ll have to look out for each other. Ah, you did? I assume someone bled where they had no right to or some such thing?”

Daimon honestly says with an Uberwaldean accent: Anthony ain’t a friend of mine, but he’s a friend of Red who’s a friend of mine, and he ain’t done nothing to deserve having that bitch on his heels.

Daimon puts his cigarette out in the ash tray. “I don’t know how as she got back, though.
Threw her ashes in the bloody river.”

Raleigh Montague nods, still looking thoughtful. “Tell me more about her?”

Daimon looks tired. “She’s all the classics. Crazy. Collects pretty boys to fawn over her and
do the dirty work. Thinks as she’s the hottest thing on the disc. Selfish.”

Raleigh Montague asks Daimon: Would you happen to know if she’s got any political
affiliations?

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Yeah… Back in the day, she and I both were working for the Magpyrs. Bigshot Uberwald family of vampires.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Reckon she still is though I quit.

Raleigh Montague says: Of course even I have heard of the Magpyrs.

Daimon looks surprised. “Yeah?”

Raleigh Montague nods. “I happen to have a large book; it’s called the History of Uberwald.
They figure in it.”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Yeah, they got a chapter in the Almanac de Gothick as well.

Raleigh Montague says: Quite so.

Daimon asks with an Uberwaldean accent: I ain’t sure what to do. She’s gonna make a mess. She already has a handful of freshly dead minion pretty boys, you know?

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Reckon it ain’t good for the city either, having
someone like that around.

Raleigh Montague shakes his head. “No, but the city is hardly our concern. I cringe from
involving the good Commander and his sturdy crew.”

Raleigh Montague drily says: They mean well, but there’s no reason for them to throw her out.

Raleigh Montague says: And by the time they have a reason, it will be too late.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: I’m guessing she’s convinced those pretty boys they -wanted- to die, yeah. So it ain’t murder. Technically.

Raleigh Montague sadly says: Women can convince us of almost anything.

Raleigh Montague says: Even vampiresses.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Heh, ain’t that the truth.

Daimon says to you with an Uberwaldean accent: I ain’t asking you to do me one for free and whack her. Just sorta looking for advice. I ain’t -that- familiar with how things are done here.

Raleigh Montague says to Daimon: Well, you basically go to the contracts office, give them the details of the target, in this case crazy vampiress, and then pay an enormous sum of money to have her closed.

Raleigh Montague says: We had a no undead policy for a while, but that may no longer be in play.

Raleigh Montague says: I shall check.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Yeah, and she’s back next month. There’s gotta be some way to make her not -want- to be in town.

Raleigh Montague says to Daimon: Do me a favour. Give me every detail you know about her. Where she stays when she’s here. Where she goes. Who she’s with.

Raleigh Montague says: I’ll have my man look into it.

Raleigh Montague doesn’t say who this man is.

Daimon nods, shaggy hair falling into his eyes. He brushes it away before speaking. “She’s one of those pale things, all diaphanous gown, white hair, white teeth. Very pretty if you’re into that sort of stuff.”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Came upon her in Ankh. She had four or five of those freshly dead pretty boys fawning over her. Made threats as to my girlfriend.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Oh yeah. She can fly. Not all vampires can, without changing shape.

Raleigh Montague doesn’t say he’s into fiery redheads with flashing green eyes. He takes in
the details, making some notes on a small leather-covered notepad in shorthand. “Your
girlfriend? Is she a vampiress as well?”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Human. Got a little girl too.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Diadamia — that’s the bitch’s name — were kinda hinting that things can happen to little girls.

Raleigh Montague nods. Things just got more complicated. “Right. Hm. Okay. Let’s start with Anthony and your family. Damn, the Viscount has children as well.”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Big issue for me is, I can’t fight her on her own
terms. I want to go on staying in this town.

Raleigh Montague says to Daimon: Of course.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: But by the time Mister Vimes and his gang catch on, it’s gonna be too late for some people.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Hell, it already is too late for a handful of young
fellas.

Raleigh Montague nods again, tapping thoughtfully on the pad with the top of his pen. He
raises an eyebrow. “Do you know if she happened to find those young men here? In this city?”

Raleigh Montague says: Not that there’s anything we can do about it, but if she’s scouting a
place looking for men, then it might be useful to know.

Daimon shakes his head, raven locks dancing. “I thought they looked posh enough to be from Ankh, though.”

Raleigh Montague makes notes in shorthand about looking for young Ankhians who may have inadvertently gone missing. “Mind, even Morporkians can look posh enough in the right clothes. You can cover a bad piece of fish with an expensive sauce.”

Daimon nods, and glances self-consciously around. Some might argue that he’s currently an
expensive fish in a bad sauce.

Daimon asks you with an Uberwaldean accent: You gonna tell Red as well?

Raleigh Montague may have just been thinking about how this was a perfect excuse to call on Aell, as he’s been wanting to do. He says, almost too casually, “I’ll drop her a note.”

Daimon nods knowingly. “Yeah, that chick’s gotta be approached with caution.”

Raleigh Montague says: Certainly sounds like it.

Daimon says to you with an Uberwaldean accent: Red.

Raleigh Montague says to Daimon: Oh, her.

Raleigh Montague says: She doesn’t scare me, although I think she would like to.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Yeah, same. Had my back a few times, though, and I got hers a few times.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: She went up against Diadamia back home once.

Raleigh Montague remembers cradling a shaking crying Aell after he forfeited his life for
hers. He shakes his head. “She did? I’m surprised the woman is so brazen now. Usually people who go up against Aell remember and stay away.”

Daimon softly says with an Uberwaldean accent: They used to say that about me. Back when. Dia’s not exactly scared of me now, either.

Raleigh Montague curiously asks: How to go up against someone who fears nothing?

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: I don’t know. I ain’t never feared nothing. I were too ignorant once to think as that anyone could touch me but I got wiser.

Raleigh Montague makes more notes. “I think there’s being confident and there’s being
overconfident, certainly.” He looks up, understanding in his eyes. “You – lose – some of that confidence, that bravado, when you care for someone else.”

Daimon simply says with an Uberwaldean accent: Yeah.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Also when as you care what folks think about you.

Raleigh Montague nods. “It is inevitable, I fear, to care what others think of you.”

Raleigh Montague says: No man is an island.

Daimon empties his coffee and puts the empty cup on the desk. “Naw, I didn’t used as to give a fuck what people thought. Funny how I do now ’cause I want people to know that I live by the rules here in town, I ain’t a threat.”

Raleigh Montague nods. “We change.” He sighs, almost involuntarily. “Let’s make plans.”

Daimon sits up. “Right. Yeah.”

Raleigh Montague gets up briefly and goes to the bookcase; he returns with a well-thumbed book which he tosses on the desk. He rings a bell and the secretary to all the House leaders drifts in. He tells her, “Have Ripper see me tonight at my residence, please, Miss Timkins.” She leaves, and then he sits down again. “Let’s start with your girlfriend and her child. Tell me their routine.”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Uhh… I don’t know so much about it. She’s with the Thieves, gotta keep secrets. She comes home at night, and she’s got foster parents as look after the little chickadee now and then.

Raleigh Montague makes more notes. “Okay. Anthony – I think his children are also very young. I think also that he is in the process of moving out of Ankh, last I talked to him anyway. I’ll go see him this evening on my way home.”

Raleigh Montague says to Daimon: The reason of course is because it would be good if we got them all protection.

Daimon nods slowly. “I am protection, of a sorts. But I ain’t able to be everywhere, no.”

Raleigh Montague nods. “I meant – well, I meant religious protection. Do you know if she’s
immune to it?”

Raleigh Montague says: I know some vampires are.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: I’m not and I think I’da known if she were.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Magpyrs apparently push it these days but Dia and me are both too old, I think.

Raleigh Montague makes more notes. “Then we start there.”

Raleigh Montague says: This weekend, I will send a priest to your girlfriend’s house.

Daimon makes a face. “Ain’t happy about my girl having to wear something like that, but I
reckon if it’ll keep her safe.”

Raleigh Montague says: I will leave it to you to talk to her about it.

Daimon nods.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: You tell Red as well. Dia’s got it in me for me and d’Ackerley, she’s on the list too.

Raleigh Montague shifts a little. “I’ll do that. By the way. The talisman. She will only need
it when she leaves the house. She and the child. Inside the house she is safe.”

Raleigh Montague says: That protection is ancient and cannot be overruled.

Raleigh Montague says: Not by anyone.

Daimon looks wary a moment. “That mean I can’t enter either?”

Raleigh Montague shakes his head. “It is your home. You already have permission. But anyone that doesn’t – well. It’s an ancient protection that the house gives, and that will keep them safe when they are at home.”

Raleigh Montague says: Even if she opens the door to this – this Diadamia – she will not be
able to enter.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: … Hell, that’s smart.

Daimon asks with an Uberwaldean accent: Can I ask you something?

Raleigh Montague says: Certainly.

Daimon asks with an Uberwaldean accent: Is it part of the school of posh and deadly that you all know so much about the undead, or is it just Aell and you?

Raleigh Montague takes his time answering this question and when he does, it sounds rehearsed. “I’m a graduate of the Master of History course. It is my job to know these things.”

Daimon gives him a purple look. “Yeah, yeah. And apart from that?”

Raleigh Montague’s mouth curves slightly. “Interest.”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Fair enough.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: All I want outta life is nice and quiet, you know?
Bother no one, no one bothers me.

Raleigh Montague nods. “I can definitely understand that.”

Daimon asks with an Uberwaldean accent: Ain’t you kinda in the wrong job, then?

Raleigh Montague chuckles and murmurs, more to himself than anything, “I’m in the wrong life.” He looks up. “I can understand it, even if do not claim to want it for my own.”

Daimon sighs. “Wrong life, huh. Something happen as turned it all upside down for you too?”

Raleigh Montague’s eyes are wary now, as though he’s aware he’s said too much. His face
becomes a careful mask. “I believe none of our lives turn out the way we plan it.”

Daimon looks at his hands. “Yeah. Sorry, I weren’t meaning to pry. Guy like you, ton of
secrets, no doubt.”

Raleigh Montague shakes his head. “No need, Daimon. You were not prying, believe me. Society ladies in Ankh are a lot more curious, and a lot less likely to stop asking you for details, even when you are clearly no longer comfortable. Now that is prying if you will.” He smiles.

Daimon shrugs. “All people want to know about me is where’s my ribbon, what’s it like drinking blood, and is it true vampires are awesome in bed.”

Raleigh Montague raises an eyebrow. “Dear me.”

Raleigh Montague amusedly asks: And are they?

Daimon matter-of-factly says with an Uberwaldean accent: Don’t usually get complaints.

Raleigh Montague says: Complaints would put me off.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Did meet a chick here in town once who complained I weren’t hurting her enough.

Raleigh Montague raises an eyebrow. “Ah yes. Whatever rocks her boat, I suppose.”

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Yeah, sure.

Daimon says with an Uberwaldean accent: Anyway, reckon I should be scooting. Taken enough of your time and all.

Raleigh Montague says to Daimon: I’m glad you came to me. I will do what I can to ease your mind, and make some inquiries of my own in the meantime.

Raleigh Montague drily says: Let’s make her life miserable when she comes back to town.

Daimon says to you with an Uberwaldean accent: Yeah, me too. And get Red in on it, she’s great at making people miserable.

Raleigh Montague chuckles at this. “I shall do so with haste.”

Daimon grins and gets up, heading for the door.

About Raleigh Montague

Doctor Raleigh Montague is the House Master of Black Widow House in the Conlegium Sicariorum, and the Senior Lecturer in Physical Education.
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